By Marcel Strigberger | April 14, 2025
Thieves steal $6 million toilet. A royal flush?
Here it is, the crime overshadowing the 1963 British Great Train Robbery. And even more devious than the theft of Dorothy’s ruby slippers. I am talking about the crime of the century, namely the heist of the $6-million golden toilet from Blenheim Palace in the Oxford, England area. The trial of several accused started a few days ago. And I’ll get to the banana connection shortly.
In September 2019, a handful of men broke into Blenheim Palace, the birthplace of Sir Winston Churchill, now a UNESCO heritage site and a museum. In just five minutes, they made off with a golden and functional toilet. They were eventually nabbed.
However, the toilet vanished and was never recovered. Alas! At least there were no Canadians aboard.
I hear the presiding judge cautioned all present in the courtroom that if they had to laugh, they should get it over with in 60 seconds and do so after the count of three. Several people present were charged with contempt of court.
During jury selection, defence counsel asked potential jurors whether they were related to Sir Winston Churchill. One gentleman was rejected after flashing a V sign.
Interestingly, one of the accused, a fence, is called Doe. I suppose if he is convicted, he won’t worry too much about his name being sullied. Instant anonymity.
The Crown’s case is quite solid. There is a surveillance video showing these boys at work, including one of them running around the parking lot carrying the toilet seat. They got him red-handed, or should I say, gold-handed. I suppose he could argue that he was just a plumber making an after-hours house call. Then again, if he did that, given his likely bill, this in itself would also constitute a crime. Highway robbery.
No doubt, whoever is convicted will face a stiff prison sentence, as the judge will likely emphasize general deterrence. I say one potty pilfer is one too many. I did ask Siri if there were other cases of toilet theft. She replied, “Let me check it out. Meanwhile, have a seat.” No thanx.
Of interest is that this privy was previously on display at the Guggenheim Museum in New York. It was created as a satiric installation by the artist Maurizio Cattelan. He called it America.
Now for the banana connection, as promised. Cattelan is also the artist who came up with the installation of a banana duct-taped to a canvas, which sold for about US$6.2M.
This guy’s work does not come cheap.
As a bizarre twist to this story, President Trump previously asked to borrow a van Gogh painting from the Guggenheim. They offered him the toilet instead. He declined. I guess he missed an opportunity to make America great again. Then again, what could he have done with it?
I don‘t know whether or not the infamous toilet will ever be found. But given that it’s functional, it certainly adds a new dimension to the expression, “All that glitters is not gold.”
Marcel Strigberger is a Toronto-based lawyer, humourist and author, who now devotes his time to being funny and writing after 40 years of balancing these endeavours with a civil litigation practice. First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe, is available in eBook and paper versions on Amazon, Indigo, Apple books, etc., and, Strigberger adds, wherever great books are sold.
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