By Marcel Strigberger | March 17, 2026
Pets. Are the courts in a divorce action where both parties seek custody to treat them like children or property? The law in this area is all over the zoo. An Alberta judge, Douglas Mah, recently held in a case dealing with four cats that pets are to be treated like property, not kids. Full stop. However, next door in B.C., the Family Law Act considers pets as family members, and the courts must determine who would best care for the pet. Given that there are polar opposite schools of thought, I believe it would be beneficial to weigh in on the subject with some useful suggestions before the kitty litter hits the fan. I have three proposals:
1. Divorce be damned
The first relates to the source of the problem. Marriage. Pet custody disputes arise as spouses with pets separate. My proposed solution is banning divorces. If you have any pets and cannot agree on who gets custody of Felix, no divorce for you. The applicable provisions in the Divorce Act might read something like,
16(i). Grounds for divorce include adultery, cruelty and separation of greater than one year.
16(ii). However, a divorce decree will not be issued in the event that there is a custody dispute over a pet. Bada bing, bada boom.
And what would be the solution if the parties lived common law? No problem. They would now be deemed to be married. The moment a party initiated a claim for pet custody, the court would arrange for an official to visit the feuding parties and marry the couple. The officer might be of a variety of vocations, including but not limited to a minister, a rabbi or a PetSmart manager. This would work, guaranteed.
2. Personification
This one is simple. Just consider all pets persons. After all, a century-plus ago, the iconic British case of Salomon v. Salomon established that a corporation is a person, an entity separate from its principals. I still cannot rationalize this House of Lords decision. I think of a comment by the 18th-century Lord Chancellor, Edward Thurlow, 1st Baron Thurlow, who said, “Did you ever expect a corporation to have a conscience when it has no soul to damn and nobody to kick?”
I have more respect for pets. I never arrived at my office to be passionately greeted by one of my client’s corporate minute books. Yes. Personifying pets would also give the public a more favourable view of the justice system, maybe even reversing the opinion of those who assert that the law is an ass.
3. Compromise — equality is equity
Speaking of Salomon, I think of King Solomon. When those two mothers came before His Majesty for a ruling as to which was the mom of that newly born baby, he ordered that the infant be cut in two with half to each lady. While the non-mother was fine with this arrangement, the real mom conceded the kid to the faker. And of course, the wise king sent the bogus mom packing, giving the baby to the real McCoy.
As an aside, I researched this story further and found out that the boy’s name was Isaac. He became a celebrity of sorts in the Jerusalem area, where tourists visited him at his home, known as Little Isaac’s Museum. All went well other than he developed a neurosis, being unable to eat sliced bread. Nasty! (I did say this information was as an aside).
So, what to do with the pets? Offer to cut them in two? As the cartoon character Snagglepuss might say, “Heavens to Murgatroyd, no way”. I suggest shared custody with a twist. Since cats have nine lives, they can spend alternate lives with each spouse. As for the ninth year, hopefully they can come to a resolution. Otherwise, we have a dog’s breakfast.
With respect to our canine friends, I did some research and scribbled some suggestions, which unfortunately disappeared. But I have a good excuse. My dog ate my homework. Woof!
Marcel Strigberger retired from his Greater Toronto Area litigation practice and continues the more serious business of humorous author and speaker. His book, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging, is available on Amazon (e-book) and in paper version. His new(!) book, First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe is available on Amazon, Apple and other book places. Visit www.marcelshumour.com. Follow Marcel on X @MarcelsHumour.